Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize