I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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