Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
