Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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