she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
