Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
