someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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