i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
