I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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