I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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