He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
