well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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