even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
