i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
