Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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