So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
