I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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