grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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