just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
