hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm sobbing to NWA
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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