I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
