I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
