the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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