In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
