My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
