you would pick up someone in the library
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
