I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
