Don't you send me to vm
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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