It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
