she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
