i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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