It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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