so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
