Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
