you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
