Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
