i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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