Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
