U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
