If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
