Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
