exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
