u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
