Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
