i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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