Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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