On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Enjoy the penises
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
