i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I got inside last night via doggy door
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
