he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
