So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
