Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
