you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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