If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
