so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
