yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
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