Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I pour the whiskey from now on
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
